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Mediation is right for most divorces and at the very least it is helpful to get everything moving in the right direction. You do not have to agree on every single issue before you consider negotiating, you do not have to be best of friends, and you do not have to retain lawyers. You have to be willing to share your financial information, consider compromises and be equally confident in knowing what you will not compromise.
You Do Not Have to Like Each Other
Mediation does not require a warm relationship. You are getting divorced and no one expects the two of you to act as though you are not. What mediation does require is that neither of you is using the divorce to punish the other or that neither of you expects to get everything they want. Mediation will help you equitably divide what you built together, set up a workable parenting plan for your children and have the resources to move on with your life.
You might even be in the situation where you don’t speak to your spouse and that is OK for mediation. You will retain the mediator who will speak on your behalf. The mediator carries the conversation back and forth between the two of you and the agreement depends on each of you getting what matters most to you.
What Makes Mediation Work
Mediation works when each of you can do the following:
- You can state what you want in specific terms, such as who keeps the house, which accounts go to whom, which vehicles each of you keeps, and which weekends, holidays and school breaks the children spend with each parent.
- You can share complete financial information, including bank statements, brokerage and retirement account statements, pay stubs, tax returns, mortgage and loan balances, credit card statements, business records, bonus, savings, and records for anything either of you claims as separate property. The disclosure is the same whether you mediate or go to court, and in mediation it is usually easier to gather and much easier to share. You pay no one to do this task for you.
- You can trade one asset for another of equal value. You can horse trade, so to speak. Arizona divides community property equitably, but that does not mean each of you takes half of every item. One spouse may keep the house while the other keeps more of the retirement. A parent who wants a longer stretch of summer may give up a holiday.
- You can sign only what you understand and you can take the time you need before you sign. If a court case is already pending, its deadlines still apply unless the court changes them.
You Do Not Need All the Answers
Most people who come to mediation have already worked out a good part of their assets and child issues. They are often missing the details. These are the questions we answer most often:
- Does spousal maintenance apply to me and how is it calculated?
- How child support is calculated and what about parenting time, health insurance premiums and child care costs?
- How to divide a 401(k), pension, IRA or deferred compensation plan without triggering unnecessary taxes or penalties?
- How to handle the house when one of you keeps it, including the refinance deadline, removing the other spouse from the loan, dividing the equity, and what happens if the refinance is denied?
- How to divide debt, including credit cards, car loans, student loans and tax debt, and what protects you if your spouse does not pay a debt assigned to them?
- How to divide vehicles, furniture, pets, collections, frequent flyer miles and other personal property?
- How to structure holidays, birthdays, summers, school breaks, travel, and the time and place of exchanges in a parenting plan?
- How legal decision-making works for education, medical care and other major decisions about your children?
- How to file taxes for the year of the divorce and which parent claims the children?
When Mediation May Not Be The Right Fit
Mediation may not be the right fit when one spouse is hiding assets and refuses to disclose them. In those situations, the court process protects you and your children, and mediation can still resolve the remaining issues later. The court can force disclosure of assets but the mediation process cannot do that.
Talk to Tali
If you are deciding whether mediation fits your divorce, or you want help with one part of it, schedule a consultation at bestlawaz.com/talk-to-tali. Tali handles every new client consultation, and she will tell you what the law says about your situation and which of our services fits what you need.
