If you are in an abusive relationship, you are not alone, you are not at fault, and there is help for you. When you make the decision to leave, it is wise to plan; unless you leave in the midst of an altercation or incident to save yourself from being hurt. There are obvious times when you flee just to save your life. But there are calm times in an abusive relationship; that’s one of the reasons that you have stayed so long. Sometimes you just hope and wish that the other shoe is really not going to fall…but you know it will. While you are waiting; you can plan and escape. He does not expect it during the calm time. Make sure you have a safe place to go: family, friends, a shelter. Having a car is helpful. Make sure you have some money and a credit card if possible. Get everything out of the house that you ever want to see again. Forget the big stuff, think about pictures, Christmas decorations, jewelry, computer, camera, phone, keepsakes, sentimental things from your family. Do not trust that he will not destroy your stuff. He will. And have a plan for what is next. You don’t really have to leave on a jet plane, but you need to leave and not return. The highest rates of homicide happen when leaving an abusive relationship. Be careful.