How to Buy Your Lawyer a New Car

Cindy Best

Attorneys are expensive. A lot of the time they earn their money, but what makes them cost so much? The nature of the profession, their education, experience and expenses are all contributing factors. But what makes them really really expensive?

How to buy your lawyer a new car: Argue with your partner about everything, even things that do not matter. Start the divorce off right by serving them at work trying to embarrass them. Post ugly stuff on Facebook so, just in case they are not angry enough, you can make them even angrier. Talk trash to their friends about them, maybe even call their mom. Then when your attorney gives you sane rational advice to calm things down, do not follow their advice. Do whatever strike you at 2 am. Send your partner a nasty email in the middle of the night. To really throw gas on the fire, talk bad about your partner to your children. Get them in the middle of the mess. Make sure they hear you scream at them during a parenting time exchange. When your house needs appraised, make sure to argue about everything possible with the realtor. Keep the house dirty and make it hard to sell. Argue so long about price that you end up actually losing money. Let your boyfriend/girlfriend pick up your kids and let them drive your new car. Keep all your children’s clothes after a visit and send them home with dirty clothes.

You get the drift. Save yourself time, money, and stress. Take the High Road. Don’t buy your attorney a new car.

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