Divorce Grief

December 8, 2021 Cindy Best

You might be unpacking your Christmas decorations from last year, watching a happy family on a TV commercial, or talking to a friend who is planning a dinner and this wave of grief washes over you unexpectedly. No one has died, you think to yourself so why am I so sad? What if you were recently divorced and your family is now very different from years past ? What if you don’t see your kids on Christmas Day or they are only coming over after 2 pm? What if you are going to miss the morning present opening?

We tend to think of grief as something people experience when a loved one dies. But I think there is more to it than that. Grief is the feeling and sadness of a loss. Divorce is certainly a loss. Many families and parents might feel a kind of grief over the holidays after a divorce because their family is different. They might pine for what was good (forgetting the bad) or they might pine for what they thought they were going to have in a marriage but never quite achieved. So, even though you might be doing better after your divorce, you can still be sad. You think back to your marriage and all the high hopes for the future that just never happened. That feeling, that loss, that joy you never felt can cause grief. You could very well be happier, safer and more secure after your divorce but you can still feel pain from the loss.  And if you have children you will feel sadness for them that mom and dad don’t live together anymore. Your children are from a home with divorced parents. That causes you pain even though it is for the best.
So recognize that you might feel grief over the holidays and don’t expect too much of yourself. Just go with the flow and be kind to yourself and your children. Kindness really is the greatest gift of all.

 

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